one month

We've made it one month. Me, Baby J, Gus, and Carl Rove are one big happy sleep deprived (or exercise deprived in Carl's case) family. I feel like I'm always needing to make the statement that I really love Baby J - mostly because I feel guilty that I don't really love waking up in the middle of the night and pumping or nursing. I have a feeling that I definitely won't miss that, when and if it ever passes. Gus told me this evening that he will miss having to stay up with her all night ... which again sent me sailing towards the edge of sanity because it makes me feel guilty. Like am I bad mom because I know I won't miss those things? Gus also holds the baby all.the.time. I love to hold and cuddle with the baby, but sometimes I need to do laundry, feed myself, do the dishes, etc. Gus will just sit on the couch all.day.long. watching television and holding the baby. It gives me a chance to get some stuff around the house done, but it again makes me feel guilty that I don't want to sit still all day long holding the little one. Gus and I are just different. I'm still working on accepting that simply because I don't hold her all the time like Gus is not an indication that I'm a bad parent. I mean, she needs clean clothes too, right?

mommy's & baby's day out

Baby J and I took our first solo field trip the other day. We had lunch with my good friend and co-worker Jenn at Hanabi for my first postpartum sushi. Baby J was a perfect little angel and snoozed all the way through lunch. While I was happy for sushi, I admit that I do miss Origami and Sakura. Of course, it's better than nothing!

I'm feeling more confident about taking Baby J out on my own now and can't wait to get her out on the town and show her off! Unfortunately, I'm exhausted. So exhausted that I feel like I am getting sick - super sore throat and achy. Yesterday was the first day that I didn't nurse and instead pumped exclusively. I'm pumping every three hours around the clock. We had enough milk yesterday, but we had to dip into the freezer stash, which has since been depleted because it wasn't that stocked to begin with. I guess we'll find out today whether or not my supply is actually going to keep up with Baby J. I've been trying to do some research on pumping to make sure I'm doing everything I can to keep up the supply. I have been taking fenugreek and drinking Mother's Milk tea like it is my job.

If Baby J keeps up this growth rate, she's going to be huge!